MODESTA – Governor
Janus of Modesta signed a controversial new bill into law today as she was
surrounded by some of her closest political allies. SB 13, affectionately
called the Good Faith Act by supporters, would increase funding for after
school activities, expand the definition of tax exempt religious activities,
and institute the widely anticipated “sodomy amendment.” The amendment would
make it illegal for board certified doctors to perform prostate exams,
colonoscopies, and sigmoidoscopies. “Some people say this is a health issue, or
a gender issue, but I, and the voters too, know this is an issue of God,” said
Speaker of the Modesta Assembly Mary Arnold.
The bill, mostly dealing with dry
protocol, started to gain cultural traction among the religious majority less
than a week after the amendment was added on the Senate floor. “It is very
clear that my religion says no sodomy. It does not matter what the ends are,
even if it is men’s health, we cannot violate God’s law in the process,” Sarah
Daniels, CEO of the nonprofit God’s Law, told this paper. She went on to allude
that if you live a healthy, righteous life the body has ways of shutting down
the cancer these procedures are trying to detect. “And if your body can’t, it
may just be God’s plan.”
Not all citizens of Modesta have
been so keen to accept the new law. “I’ll have to drive out of state now to get
even a routine checkup, ya’ know? I’m a religious man, but I just don’t think
those women realized what they were doing with my health,” said Thomas Jones, a
construction manager from Middleton. When asked about Mr. Jones’s quote the
Minority Leader of the Senate, Beth Samsun, stated, “he has a good point. We
should have worked harder to support our husbands and sons, but as long as our
opponents hold the government there isn’t much to be done.” Other politicians
were not so balanced in their assessment of the legislation. “This is religious
tyranny and a farce of a law!” said Richard Bombase, an assemblyman from the 13th
district. “I’m one of just 12 male legislators here. Is that representation
enough to pass a bill like this,” complained Bombase in a phone interview.
Governor Jane Janus, famous for her aloof nature when it comes to commentary on recent legislation was quick to break her silence on this issue. “The liberal media is trying very hard to paint this bill as rushed, or non-representative, but I assure you that is not true,” said Janus in a press release. “We went through all the appropriate governmental channels and made sure we had full support of both our constituents and a majority of representatives.” While stirring debate on both sides, the Governor is correct that this bill was passed with due process and is now law. “That doesn’t make it right though,” said Bombase, almost hysterical, “We will see what the Supreme Court has to say on the matter.”
Governor Jane Janus, famous for her aloof nature when it comes to commentary on recent legislation was quick to break her silence on this issue. “The liberal media is trying very hard to paint this bill as rushed, or non-representative, but I assure you that is not true,” said Janus in a press release. “We went through all the appropriate governmental channels and made sure we had full support of both our constituents and a majority of representatives.” While stirring debate on both sides, the Governor is correct that this bill was passed with due process and is now law. “That doesn’t make it right though,” said Bombase, almost hysterical, “We will see what the Supreme Court has to say on the matter.”
